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sXkItt3n
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Name: Kitiara
Country: Australia
Birthday: 8/24/1989
Gender: Female
Interests: Nothing worth saying.
Expertise: The art of cutting.
Occupation: Student
Industry: Other
Message: message me
Member Since:
5/28/2003
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| Whoa.. yeah it's been a longggg time... ummmm.... so much to say... i've fallen for a friend of mine.. not really an excellent choice (typical me) because she is a girl... Jenna, not that big a deal I guess but oh well.. I don't know why i'm writing now. Kinda pointless. But that's okay... Anyway, in an hour, i get to have a new pack of smokes... :) I'm happy... so anyway.. i'll post some other time... bye bye. | | |
| Ok ok, I'm going to try and make a resolution here.... I... wait.. i duno how I got italics on here.... ummm....ahh... holy shit.. I just figured something out.. lol.. but I duno how to take it off.. ummm... HOLY SHIT!!! This is soo cool.. lol.. anyway... that's better.. lol.. okay.. back to my resolution.. I want to try to write on here at least every two days.. God knows I'm on here enough to do that.. I think I have an addictive personality... that's why I'm way too scared to try drugs or anything like that.. I smoke.. and I can't stop.. but.. yeah.. I think also I think I'm addicted to abusive people.. I'm watching Oprah and it's about mothers being addicted to drugs.. It reminds me of Jenna... I'm so worried aobut her.. and I don't know how to help her. She's addicted to speed... and pot... and she says she's afraid of being sober... I don't want her to be on any of that.. maybe I should try to get her into detox...I don't know if she will go though.. I don't know how to help her.. I know she's been through a lot.. but.. I dunno.. it's hard.. if anyone has any ideas how to help me help Jenna.. then drop me a comment or something.. oh, speakinng of comments.. thanks XxWasting_AwayxX for your comment, I have gotten myself a new journal and it's helping.. and MM_Land, thanks for subscribing.. hope you like what you read or whatever.. but um.. yeah.. I was gonna say something but I forget... last night.. well yesterday really.. I got home from school.. and was out like a light within an hour... I stayed sleeping untill my mum woke me up at (pm to give me some food.. and then I was out again... I stayed home from school today because my day innsisted.. and it was the lightning carnival and I wasn't participating anyway.. I feel like shit.. but oh well.. my nose is stuffed.. anyone want to swap with me? I'm applying for an exchange scholarship.. I hope I get it, because I will go to another country for a year.. and like, live with another family... it'd be a really good experience and I can get out of this shit hole for a year.. but oh well.. Anyway.. I think I'll go.. so yeah.. bye | | |
| Ok, yeah it's been awhile, i've let a lot slip away.. I'm having a hard time dealing with feelings at the moment because I don't have money to buy myself a new written journal *sigh* and I don't really like saying all of my thoughts on here.. as I'm not sure exactly who reads it.. I have work tomorrow.. on my mothers birthday... and then i have work on Sunday, which is Mother's Day.. yeah go me... whatever... I'm gonna go make popcorn. So while the machine is doing it's thing.. i will sit here and go back to listening to mindless music...anywayyy.. i don't have much to say... ooh our ball's on tonight.. Jenna will be there... I hope she's having fun... I can smell blood for some reason.. dunno why though.. i haven't cut tonight.. lol.. oh well.. I'm bored... I'm eating popcorn.. it's tasty.. anyway.. i think i should go... bye | | |
| well.. I got an extremely abusive email back from Jared.. here you go make your own judgement:
i want you to stay well and truly out of my life... i don't know why you have decided to talk shit, i don't care what your reasons are... i want you to fuck off...
you said i was bad in the sack to sharni, which is quite funny because you were fucking shocking, like all that we had was that and that was bad, you are just a stupid fat slut, haha its true, i know who you've jumped and thats fucking bad, and they said how bad you are...
here's some hints... LOSE WEIGHT... TRY HARDER IN BED... and LOSE WEIGHT... you bland yarpie (for stupid people, it's an insult to white south africaan's) fat, wide holed, starfish (lame in bed) whore...
so read and lern, shut the fuck up, stop talking shit, if you even as bring up my name in a conversation and i will bury you with so much shit it'll take more than your lies and manipulation skills to get you out...
i don't want you or any of your so called "friends" talking to me and sharni or anyone else who has a influence in my life, none of us need your shit, it is stupid and pitiful...
i hope that this is the last occasion i have to waste my time on you, so read and learn you disease-fucked unic (some one with no pleasure to there reproductive organs due to amputaion)...
now fuck off and stay away...
Nice no? Aren't I sooo lucky? Makes me want to cry... i hate the way he still has this affect on me and the shit he says still makes me cry. It's very unfair that I have to get all of this... I gave him so much... and that's what I get in return. God i don't know why he hurts me so much. I'm cold... i finished my bag today... it's nice... Suddenly things seem to lose beauty.. i want to curl up in the corner.. i want to be invisible.. I want to be so much that I can't be.. and I want so much that I can't have... it sucks... but that's life i guess.. totally unfair right to the very end.. i wish y end was nearer than it is.. I hate this... I can't stand it.. i never want to see another human again.. i never want to see anything again... i never want to be again.. why can't i just lock myself up in my room and not go anywhere? why is that too much to ask for? I'll never be what anyone wants me to be... i try to be... but you can't please everyone... i hate myelf... for everything i've ever done... everything I'll ever do... I'm sorry... i already regret and hate all of it... nobody comes to save me.. why do I hold on to dreams? they don't fucking exist... never have never will... fuck it.. my self pity makes me sick. I'm so selfish... this is fucked up.. i hate this whole fucking world and everybody in it.. can i kill myself yet? | | |
| I got an email from Jared today:
hey carmen
how are you? just writing to see how you have been... im not living at home anymore so the nets how i am keeping in contact with everyone till i find somewhere permanent. i heard sharni called you the other week? what did she say? we arent reaaly together anymore so she wont exactly tell me and neither will tal or anyone.are you talking to her?
im also wondering how you feel about me... cos ive heard some stuff and with next sunday and all i was just wondering... anyways miss talking to you... write back
jared
Weird no? This Sunday incase you're wondering, is the date we were going to get married. So I think he wants to walk back into my life. Which will not happen, because I don't want him. But anyway... I can't make my bag because the material is weird and I have to make a backing for it. So I have to go out and buy some backing material. I wanna get some cargo pants too. So mum and I are going out shopping tomorrow. Anyway, I'm bored. Mel's coming down to drop off my stuff... apparently. I don't know wether to expect her or not. But oh well.. Anyway, I'm gonna go... check some movie times. | | |
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